Sikh tradition solidifies parent-child bonds

Viriam Singh Khalsa

February 20, 2010

Some of the most impactful spiritual experiences of my life were the births of our children, in particular the birth of my son. My wife had an unexpected C-section and as the doctor worked to patch her up, one of the nurses handed me my just-born son just seconds after his arrival and told me to wash him up in the next room.

Seconds after his birth, I was alone with my son. My son was quiet, awake and aware in my arms. As I looked into his deep eyes, my soul moved. In that moment I strongly bonded with my son. We spent the first 20 minutes of his new breathing life together in close communion. To this day, 14 years later, that bond remains.

As a Sikh, my relationship with my son started earlier than birth. In the Sikh religion we have a family and community celebration on the 120th day of pregnancy. Sikhs believe that the soul enters the body on the 120th day after conception. Prior to this day the body is building the necessary physical structure to support the soul of the child. So we honor the mother and sing songs of welcome to the soul that is embodying.

This is a joyous time and naturally extends the support for families to a wide circle. There are specific prayers and meditations that are performed but the celebration is fairly flexible; the goal is to be supportive and welcoming, and to pray for the new being taking form.

Following several days at the hospital after my wife’s surgery recovery, we returned to our home. There, another spiritual practice unfolded. Many Sikh families spend the first 40 days of a baby’s life in relative seclusion and quiet. Sikh families typically have a family member or paid person do all the cooking and cleaning for the household during these 40 days. Visitors are kept to a minimum and the baby is not taken out of the house unless medically necessary.

This precious time gives the mother, newborn and rest of the family time to be together, taking the normal demands of life off the family. I was able to take off three weeks from my work, and that time with family remains a gift from God.

I was surprised to learn that American culture has vestiges of this custom as well. There are Dulas who perform this support function for families, but the practice has sadly faded from being the norm. The quiet time of this 40 days gives the baby the connection and bonding with the mother that in turns lays the foundation for security, connection and fearlessness in the psyche of the child.

Both my daughter and son are now well into their teens and the business of daily family life sometimes takes me by surprise. God has blessed me with great kids. The early bonding moments remain as a core in our relationship and echo even in the increased pace of our current life. I am grateful for those shared early moments.

Viriam Singh Khalsa is a Sikh minister for the Eugene/Springfield Sikh Sangat. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing our community and the world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 541-344-0430.