Supporting our children’s best interests is a crowning commitment in life. This theme underlies the Focus on Children class that I have enjoyed co-facilitating for the past decade. The courts in Lane County require parents of minors to attend this class before obtaining a divorce or custody decree. More than 10,000 parents have participated. The main points in our curriculum also lie at the core of my spiritual philosophy.

We believe that each of us has an infinite capacity to learn and grow. This harmonizes with my view that we are each created in God’s image. No matter how difficult the challenges these families face — and many are experiencing the most stressful times in their lives — improvement is always possible. On rare occasion, I encounter someone who seems to believe that he or she already knows everything about parenting. I enjoy sharing my view with these folks that they are seriously underestimating their potential for growth!

As a consequence of our infinite capacity, we can each learn to take even better care of ourselves. I am inspired here by the biblical injunctions to love our neighbors, as well as strangers, as ourselves. Parents have little difficulty recognizing that hungry and/or tired children have problems cooperating and learning. It’s harder, however, to acknowledge this in ourselves.

Nonetheless, our children see us more clearly, and they depend on us to do our best. Flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before assisting children, should cabins lose pressure. Similarly, we urge parents to support their own needs so they can do even better for their children.

Some folks mistakenly think that taking good care of ourselves is selfish. But it’s essential to distinguish healthy efforts to meet needs from the selfish pursuit of greeds. To paraphrase Gandhi, we can meet everyone’s needs, but not everyone’s greeds. Parents are the most influential role models for their children. It sets a great example when children see their parents taking excellent care of their own physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

The supreme importance of keeping children away from destructive parental conflict is the single biggest message in class. This includes a complete prohibition on talking badly about the other parent in front of the children. Ironically, bad-mouthing the other parent alienates a child from the parent doing the bashing and tears the child’s heart.

To those parents who say they want to “tell my children the truth” about the other parent, we suggest they consider speaking with honesty and respect (for the children), focusing on their desire to effectively promote their children’s best interests. To support this practice in my own life, I try to keep in mind that God is both truth and love.

Our infinite capacity to grow enables us to keep learning how to take even better care of ourselves and how to communicate with each other more honestly, respectfully and effectively in order to support our children’s needs and bring greater healing to our planet.

Barry Nobel is a family mediator and a member of Temple Beth Israel. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing our community and world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 344-5693.