As part of our spiritual practice we explore how we can remain conscious in our relationship. As our relationship has unfolded, we experienced the traditional “honeymoon phase.” Because so much was unknown about each other, there was an emotional edge as well as excitement. Feelings of anxiety arose from the unaccustomed level of shared vulnerability.
For instance, we each imagined that we might be expected to do or to be something that was outside of our comfort zone or integrity, which would be a loss of individual freedom.
So, instead of shutting down or withdrawing, we both chose to be fully present with our feelings by sharing them with one another. Usually, one of us is free enough to help the other become clear. Consequently, we opened to the delicious freshness of “conscious relationship,” which is the very freedom we desire.
As most couples who are fortunate enough to reach this stage do, we began to open our hearts and look for opportunities to serve one another, to discover what pleased the other. We moved from self-centeredness toward embracing one another. It was no longer all about “me.” We both noticed a heightened sense of awareness and sensitivity, which deepened into the experience of oneness.
As a way of expressing this expansive experience of union, we often say, “I love, I love, I love,” instead of “I love you,” which helps us remember the universal love being experienced in and through us.
We asked ourselves: “What gets in the way of maintaining this very alive experience?” Usually after some time the ego-mind thinks that it knows enough about the other that it becomes comfortable. In a sense, we fall asleep again and as the sleep deepens, the ego-mind reverts to old conditioned patterns.
The respect and service we offer one another wanes as the heart contracts. We may find ourselves feeling disappointed and angry, blaming and criticizing each other as judgments arise.
Since we are refocused on our own needs again, we may forget that no person can fulfill us or make us feel whole, but they are only able to reflect our own innate wholeness. So we begin to look for a way out.
Not wanting that to be our fate, we decided to base our relationship on spiritual principles. Our intention is to live from our authentic self — to be willing to take responsibility for our own thoughts and emotions rather than blame or project them onto the other.
We often ask one another questions to get to the source of the feelings, to see if they relate to the present, and to understand how to allow each other the time to work with them.This creates a loving and safe climate for healing — both our selves and our relationship. We realize that if we have no agenda except being one another’s advocate and friend, then we know peace. We are willing to live in the unknown moment, trusting source, self and other.
Mischa Davis and Stephan Cameron meditate with the Self-Realization Fellowship and attend the 11th of the month Interfaith Prayer Service. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing the community and world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 344-5693.