When I was a girl, my mother suffered from a debilitating illness. She died when I was 12, and I became Catholic to maintain some connection to her. But, I was closed to spiritual matters. I went to church, recited the prayers, and then forgot about whatever message might have been there. By the time I was 17, I thought that I might be an atheist.
I became a person who just looked for good times, partying and carrying on with friends and acquaintances. There were times when I would pray to a God I knew nothing about, but no answers came. So, while working on my teaching degree, I spent the evenings playing around.
By age 28, I found myself in Alcoholics Anonymous. This was the first time I was open to spiritual principles on a regular basis. I managed to stay sober by believing in a “Higher Power.” The only thing was, I was a very angry person at times, and it wasn’t easy to cultivate and keep friendships, much less good relations with my family. The Twelve Steps of AA encourage members to give up anger and resentment, but I wouldn’t listen.
That was five years of my life, after which my husband and I moved to Oregon. Within a couple of months, I was faced with a serious mental illness that caused me to feel that I was living in “hell” for eight years. I finally got the right combination of medication and counseling, which allowed me to start rebuilding my life.
I began, little by little, exploring spirituality again, finding much of interest in Buddhism and Christianity. The Buddhist writers offered ways out of anger and hatred. Christianity was about love of God and of other people. I greatly admire their teachings and find them addressed as well in the Baha’i faith.
It was through various connections that I got on the Internet and started exploring the Baha’i faith. I liked what I read: There is one God, all religions are one — that is, their core values are the same — men and women are equal, the different races and ethnic groups are equal, there is unity in diversity, the world will eventually come together and live in peace, and Baha’u’llah is humanity’s latest prophet, or manifestation.
The Bahai writings are exquisite, but what really made the faith come alive for me was the human contact, which started through e-mail and has become person-to-person. I am fortunate to know a small but growing number of Baha’is who live by high ethical standards, engage in the life of the Spirit, and offer meaningful friendships.
I see that I am healing through these connections, especially through a personal relationship with God that enables me to do things I couldn’t have otherwise done. For many reasons, the Baha’i faith has clicked with me and given me spiritual grounding and I am at the beginning stages of feeling God’s love for me.
Diane M. was at one time a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and now participates in the Baha’i and interfaith communities. In accordance with the tradition of anonymity, she is identified by her first name and last initial. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance to offer inspiration, share personal spiritual experiences and bring a deeper understanding of individual faith perspectives with the intention of blessing our community and world. For information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 344-5693.