More than 40 years ago I was introduced to the delight of instant pudding. It was my first backpacking trip and the treat soothed my aching muscles. As I took in the mountain air, a chortling brook and the warmth of a crackling campfire, I felt a sudden surrender to nature that has inspired me since to live with a reverence for life.
Much older now, I reflect on how surrender is often instant, unexpected and relieving to a burdened soul.
I first learned about spiritual surrender at age 9. Suffering a debilitating illness, my pallid mother called me to her bedside to say she may not make it through the night. I was bewildered and went to my bedroom feverishly crying and praying to God until I fell asleep.
I awoke in the morning to the familiar smell of coffee in the kitchen and quickly ran there to my mother’s side. She was now radiant and told me that during the night she had surrendered her will in prayer to God and Jesus, and was miraculously healed.
My mother’s spiritual surrender gave her profound strength to daily deal with an angry alcoholic husband. Five years later, I witnessed her courage to finally confront my father.
But I was also surprised by his courageous response. After yet another violent alcohol-induced outburst, he stormed out of the house as usual. Upon his sober return, Mom gave him a choice: “It is either me or the beer bottle.”
Then and there, Father chose my mother and never touched a drop of alcohol again.
In his instant surrender he also gave himself to God and became a very religious man the rest of his life.
For years I resisted my parents’ religious conversion as being too zealous for my New Age sensibilities. In my late 20s I faced a pivotal crisis of faith after two failed marriages and an aborted career.
Then I met a peaceful woman who introduced me to meditation.
The Eastern concepts of spiritual teacher, master or guru were very different than my Western notions of savior or Jesus. But her guru’s daunting mission was to meld Eastern and Western ideas of truth through meditation, prayer and compassionate service.
My unexpected “instant pudding surrender” to God happened publicly. This woman invited me to a world gathering of devotees of the deceased guru. I sat in the same room where almost 30 years ago he gave his last public speech before passing away moments later in front of a shocked audience. There, before a life-sized portrait of his immortalized “Last Smile,” my heart crazed with sudden enthusiasm, and tears poured from my troubled soul into a deep feeling of relief.
The sweetness of devotion to my spiritual teacher, the revered Indian master Paramahansa Yogananda has now given me almost 30 years of comforting solace, as has that peaceful woman who initially aided in my surrender: my wife.
And I still enjoy instant pudding!
McDowell is a member of the Eugene Meditation Group of Self Realization Fellowship (founded by Paramahansa Yogananda) and stewards the Cortesia Sanctuary in Eugene’s south hills. This column is coordinated by Lane Interfaith Alliance, a network of more than 40 religious traditions and spiritual teachings. For more information, visit www.laneinterfaithalliance.org or call 344-5693.